The RollerCoaster

I have been struggling with my weight for YEARS.  I joined Weight Watchers.  I joined Nutri-System.  I drank Slim Fast for months.  I went on a low fat diet, limiting my fat grams to 20 per day.  I tried Atkins.  I did Step Aerobics 3x a week for  couple months.  I did a European Wrap.  I ate one meal a day for a month.  I purchased a 3year gym membership, and went maybe 10 times.  I hired a personal trainer, and went to 10 sessions and never went again.  I bought books that I never read.  I bought fruit that I never ate.  I bought clothes to motivate me that I never wore.

So when I bought some expensive running shoes, and said I was going to train for a half marathon…..I had so much self-doubt.  My weight had always dropped off, only to come back with a vengeance.  It was a never-ending cycle.  Until the cycle finally ended.   At my heaviest, I weighed 236lbs.  I wore a size 20 pants.  Today I’m in a size 10 jeans, and I have 25lbs to go.   At one point a couple years ago, I was 12lbs from my goal.  So, the last couple years I’ve had a 13lb gain.   Not good.   Not for someone like me.

Running has helped me keep the weight off, and has kept it from coming back with a vengeance.  I joined a boot camp almost 2 months ago, and I’ve been doing that AND running.  By now I should be a size ZERO!  But I’m not.  Because my eating SUCKS.   I always thought I couldn’t drop the weight because I wasn’t active enough.  Well now I’m active almost everyday, and I’m still having a hard time dropping the weight.  So it’s my food.  And bad choices.

Boot camp has given me a new brain.  I still criticize my efforts, but I criticize MUCH LESS.  I still give that stupid scale some power, but it’s much more powerless than it used to be!!   When I’m done with my 5:30am workout…I get in my car and I am SMILING.  I am happy.  I am conquering.  I’m winning.

And I’m not done yet.